Alone
On her knees she blindly grasped for anything left with life.. Any relationship.. acquaintance. Friends were there when they needed uplifting, money, someone to just be there. Boyfriends were there for support, encouragement, physical satisfaction, confidence. Once her jobs were fulfilled, which they always were, they were all done. Got what they came for and they were gone. Straining to even find breath she grabs her chest hoping by some miraculous chance it would all be given back.. That just one of those hundreds of people friend.. Whatever would show her the love, dedication, heart that she so easily showed without even a thought of how it would turn out for her. But yet here she is again breathless between sobs blind and in so much pain it’s all beginning to numb. Maybe it will be better when she’s numb.. But that’s impossible.. She cares, gives and wants too much to allow even the amazing idea of never feeling or giving a shit to happen. She wants to no longer hurt and constantly cry over someone who isn’t worth it but to her they were worth it… She would’ve and practically gave it all for them but yet here she is alone & treated This way. If only someone loved half as hard.. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so.. Alone.
Don’t waste your life away
I don’t get it. I’m not sure if I will ever understand why I worry.. I have since I was little. I worried about my parents when they were on dates and I was home & I freaked out if I tried to go to bed after fighting with my siblings or parents. I would even get upset my my oldest sister would fight with my dad or mom because I was scared of how she would feel if something happened to them. Not exactly sure why but that’s always unfortunately been me. So here I am 21 and I have nightmRes and irrational fears of loosing those i love. It’s so stupid because I waste time
I could be spending with them and loving them biting my nails and being a baby over stuff that hasn’t happened and probably never will. A 1 year old at my church just died, a girl I went to college with just got in a terrible accident, my cousin is in a coma.. Life is too short! We need to stop wasting our lives away. I know I do.
“
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me! ”
—
Dr. Seuss
Want to be his everything
“She’s a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She’s I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She’s I can’t find a thing to wear
Now and then she’s moody
She’s a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She’s a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She’s a warm conversation
That I wouldn’t miss for nothing
She’s a fighter when she’s mad
And she’s a lover when she’s loving
[Chorus]
And she’s everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
‘Cause she’s everything to me
She’s a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She’s a cross around her neck
And a cuss word ‘cause its Monday
She’s a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She’s a one glass of wine
And she’s feeling kinda tipsy
She’s the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She’s a picture in my wallet
and my unborn children’s mother
She’s the hand that I’m holding
When I’m on my knees and praying
She’s the answer to my prayer
And she’s the song that I’m playing
[Repeat chorus]
She’s the voice I love to hear
Someday when I’m ninety
She’s that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she’s the one
That I’d lay down my own life for
And she’s everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She’s everything to me
Yeah she’s everything to me
Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She’s everything to me”
- Brad Paisley
My Love for Music
I wouldn’t be surprised if my first words were “turn it up”.
I remember…
- Singing every lyric to Garth Brooks when I was younger in the car with my Dad.
- Butterfly kisses being my dad & I’s song because I gave him and my mom butterfly kisses every night before I went to bed & will be the song we dance to when I get married. (and the song he cries too)
- Dedicating NSYNC songs to my many childhood crushes & listening to track 8 because I was specifically told not to. (such a rebel)
- Joseph (Broadway musical) soundtrack & Phantom of the opera being CD’s we played in the car quit often.
- Disney music reminds me more of my junior and senior year of highschool than my childhood. Except for Hercules we listened to that album in the car a lot too.
- Britney spears – hit me baby one more time, when me and Hannah learned the dance and thought we were the coolest kids. Radar- reminds me of a few nameless highschool GUY friends who jammed out to this song on the way to wendys one time for off campus lunch.
- Buying Christina Aguilera’s stripped album & Beyonce’s Dangerously In Love at Barnes & Noble before my familys road trip to Michigan with June. Man I got in troooooouble!
- My Chemical romance (How the Edge stole Christmas) being my first Rock concert closely followe by Linkin Parks Project Revolution Concert.
- S.O.S by Rihanna playing in Haleys car the day she got her license and we drove around for the first time.
- Jamming to Fall Out Boy with my volleyball girls on the way to kick butt.
- Screaming Emery when I was Happy, sad, or angry.. It was always glorious and more often then not always with Holly. We like to pretend me can scream like them.
- Working out to UnderOath
- Rocking out to Breaking Benjamin’s Had Enough when I was heartbroken & angry as well as Katy Perry’s Circle The Drain.
- Hillsong is what I have always loved to worship to along with others.
- Healer by Kari Jobe and many Casting Crowns songs are what I resort to when I am in need of some uplifting.
- Phil Wickham reminds me of Chase Oaks (Epoch) when I first started going
- Cats in the Cradle makes me think of the day I found out all we had to do was play that song if we wanted to ask my dad for something.
- Wicked is just amazing
- Glee is a favorite of my brother & I. We like to play it loud so we can sing a long.
- Admitting I liked Katy Perrys new album & listening to it nonstop for maybe a month.
- Oh, Tonight by the Josh Abbott Band being the song on Freelin & I’s 3rd or 4th date when we went to the park at night and he pulled out his guitar and we sang it to eachother. (If his guitar is in arms length at any hangout he will make me sing it) Oh & Addi telling him to play “sarahs song” so we can sing it and she looks at me to sing the girls part together.
- & so much more!!! Music clearly has a special place in my heart and I am definitely missing a lot of memories this is just something I came up with at the moment.
Ventage.
Its been a very VERY long time since I have even looked at tumblr.. but today my mind has been going 1,000 miles an hour in 100 different directions so I thought it might help. I was having a pretty interestingly emotional day (I blame it on the heat) and read through a lot of emails I forgot I had and it made me sad. I love where my life is and who I am spending it with but there is a few special people whom I miss and it kills me they arent in my life anymore. You cant force someone to be friend you or keep you around and you cant act like someone your not so I guess since I was being me and living my life how I saw fit and they didnt want to be there anymore thats there choice.. It just hurts and makes me wonder what friendships and relationships I have are real right now. Why cant everyone just be real???? Dont invest in someone if you dont want to be a true friend to them or part of there life. Its a waste of time and effort. Phew. Much better.
